by Yard Athletics – Dec 24, 2019

‘Twas the night before Yardmas, when all through the gym,

Not a client was lifting, so the lights were on dim.

The dumbbells were stacked in the rack with care,

In hopes that Coach Shawzo soon would be there.

The Bone Yard members were nestled, legs sore in their beds,

While visions of squats danced in their heads.

Out came Cumby in his cut-off short-shorts, 

While Torin strode in, sporting high socks, of some sort.

Each settled down for a high protein snack,

Helping to grow those legs, arms and back.

When out in the squat rack there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the lifting platform to see what was the matter.

Away to the barbells I flew like a flash, 

I tore open the chalk bucket and threw up a dash.

The speakers rang with Springsteen’s holiday tunes, 

I grabbed the bar, did a thing and bested you goons. 

That’s right, a PR on my deadlift indeed,

Shawzo was filming, uploading to the feed.

I glanced to my left, what to my wondering thighs should appear,

But a fun loving community, the entire Yard family, all here!

With a grumpy old Coach Cumby, so loving and dear,

Thicker than thiccc, he’s got a big rear. 

Aspiring to all, he lifted his fists,

Shouted out “ATTA BABE!” , and began with his lists.

More rapid than Assault Bike sprints, the DOMS soon came,

And he “WOOOO”’d, and hollered, and called them by nickname;

“Now, Shawzo! now, Torpedo! now, Cumby and Syd!

On, Brycer! on Lisa! on, Hank, “LET’S GO KIDS!”! 

To the top of the pull up bar! To the top of your squat!

Now lunge away! Lunge away! Let that medicine ball drop!”

Bringing us together this year, it’s not the bars,

The whistles or Tor’s holiday cheer.

It’s not the pump, the lift, we all do love.

Instead it’s this family that rises above.

So to you, and you, and you and you,

Who chooses us, we feel grateful too.

On this holiday season we wish you the best,

With love, The Yard Family